I swear to Bob!

I'd swear to God but ehh...I have my doubts.

I need to stop getting online first thing when I wake up in the morning/afternoon. I'm not a morning person to begin with and things easily irritate me. So things that I already find irritating REALY irritate me and/or get me riled up. This is not the way I want to start my day.

It seems that every time I get online to do my usual online routine, which is check my 2 e-mail accounts (personal and work), check up on the myspace scene, check my flickr activity, and look for new job postings on craigslist, I am bombarded by more stupidity than my half-awake brain can stand.

There's always another stupid-ass survey bulletin (or in today's case, four in a row from the same person) or someone telling me everything they plan on doing today (I hope putting on your helmet is one of those things.) Then there's usually some spam from craigslist trolls who get my info and send me bullshit, or another scam artist trying to scam me. Or another not-so-bright craigslist user trying to find out info about my photography/tutoring, etc, and can't form a single, intelligent sentence. On flickr, there's another "favorite" (which is basically a person book-marking a photo so he/she can find it later) on one of my photos from some creepo collecting photos for their spank collection. And on craigslist, there's a never-ending parade of stupidity in the form of poorly-worded, never-seen-a-spell-check posts from the general public of New Orleans. These posts are a depressing reminder that once I leave my house, these are the geniuses I will have to interact with. I'm not saying I'm the smartest kid in the world, but you should read some of these things!

Every now and then I get lucky and wake up to something in my inbox that makes me smile, a nice e-mail or a funny video. Or maybe a sweet job offer via craigslist. But, alas, I typically find nothing but reminders of how mindless the general internet user is.

Now, I understand that many people think at their jobs all day and just get online to unwind and have a little fun. That's cool. I'm more specifically talking about people who put their words out for everyone (or just one person) to see without really thinking about what they are saying first.

Here's a great e-mail I got in response to a craigslist post I recently made offering photography:

Hi,
I need a wedding photographer for November 29, 2008
Are you free? can you reply with an answer
Thank you ("Photography!!!")

(The name hasn't been omitted. The person did not think to include it…or punctuation. That in parenthesis after the "Thank You" is what is commonly known as an "in-text citation".)

Aside from the fact that there is no information on where the wedding is located, which if it is outside of New Orleans may be pertinent information and might change my availability, look at the second line of the message.
"can you reply with an answer"

Umm....WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I REPLY WITH OTHER THAN AN ANSWER? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of "reply" is: "to respond in words or writing" ("Reply"). And, to further clarify, the definition of "respond" is: "to say something in return: make an answer" ("Respond").
More appropriate questions would be "Can you please reply?" "Could you please write with an answer?" or simply leave it at "Are you available?".
I just don't understand some people's thought processes...or lack thereof.

Now I may not ever win a spelling bee and if you ask me to quickly tell you the answer to some math equation, I'd probably be stumped. But I would like to think I apply a certain level of cognition to the things I say, and in this case, type. Spending time thinking about what one is typing is even easier than thinking about what one is saying because one has time to re-read and edit one's typed words.

I understand that the typical person, particularly the typical New Orleanian, will not have perfect grammar, spell well, know correct comma usage or even have the ability to turn their thoughts into text in the best way. It just seems that no one thinks before they hit send or post. These are things you are putting out there because you think everyone needs to read them...so make it worth reading, silly monkeys! Hell, I've seen Monkeys that write better than some of the craigslist posters.

So I'll leave you, dear readers, with this brilliant work of literary art in the form of a Craigslist posting titled "Body Paint Shoot". In writing this, somebody expected to entice a girl to get naked and allow her body to be painted on and photographed. It has not been edited by me in any way:

looking for a model that into art i am planning ..ing a traffic sign (yield sign) life size. Then put model up to sign then paint her to blind into sign.

i also plan on some higher end artict shoots that would also like to shoot this summer.

Works Cited

"Body Paint Shoot." Online Posting. 11 June 2008. New Orleans Craigslist Creative Gigs. 17 July 2008.

"Photography!!!." E-mail to Robin Walker Photography. 15 July 2008.

"Reply." Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2008.Merriam-Webster Online. 17 July 2008.

"Respond." Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2008.Merriam-WebsterOnline. 17 July 2008.

Originally Posted to Myspace July 17th, 2008.

You have GOT to start doing something more constructive with your time!!

Everytime I get on myspace to check my messages, write a blog, or whatever, I see atleast one bulletin that says "I'm bored..." and then said bored person proceeds to waste 10 minutes of their life filling out a "survey" of questions that some other bored person made up. The answers rarely tell anyone else anything meaningful about that person's life and anyone who reads it is also wasting time of their life.


Read a book, read a book, read a mother-fuckin' book. Seriously. Even if it is just fiction, READ something that matters. Something creative from somebody else's mind might inspire you to do something creative with yours. Draw a picture. Take a photo. Make up a new dish and cook it. Start a blog of your thoughts. Write a short story or a poem. Do something you think you can't do. Ride a bike. Learn an instrument. Or...I dont know...stop ignoring your fucking kid and go hang out with him/her. Clean your room for goodness sake...do something!

Sure, a certain amount of every person's day should be spent relaxing and entertaining oneself with TV, or internet silliness, or what have you. But if you are "bored" then the net obviously isn't entertaining you any way and you should go do something that will actually benefit you in the long run. If you really want to play on the computer, do one of those puzzle games or photoshop your head on a celebrity or something.ANYTHING other than the mindless shit you guys always do.


I love you guys, but myspace is so full of shit. Don't keep adding to it. You guys are too good for that. Really. You are.


P.S. Before you guys say to me "What the fuck are you doing? You're posting a blog!" Well, I just spent this time expressing myself in what should be constructive for the people it pertains to. Even doing that is better than a bullshit survey or lameass application.

Originally posted to Myspace on July 14th, 2008

Sometimes, Less Isn't More

Growing up, I was taught to be thrifty. Much to my shagrin, my mother always shopped for me at the thrift store or walmart, buying me clothes that I would end up getting teased for wearing because they weren't the latest, greatest, most expensive brand-name item. We bought food in bulk at Sam's club and made sure to get the store brand whenever possible. It was rare that I got a "treat" like a lunchable, a kid's cuisine, or some other novelty food item. I typically didn't ask my parents to buy me certain things because I knew we couldn't afford them. Even now, I try to not ask for many expensive things for christmas or a birthday, even though money is better for the family these days.

I carried this idea of thrifty shopping into adulthood. I learned to appreciate it as a teenager and bought as much cheap crap as I could. I shopped at big lots, walmart, TJMaxx, and Ross for everything I could possibly buy at those stores. It was rare I ever needed anything that I couldn't get there because I didn't think I needed the expensive clothes or the nice cosmetics.

Well...that has changed.

I'm still not into wearing brand name shit just for the sake of wearing brand name shit. If I do buy something that is from a more expensive store, I tend to shop on sales racks and never buy stuff that has the store's name big as hell across the front of it. But, I've started pampering myself in certain ways that has really made a difference.

The biggest thing, is body care. After taking the trip to North Carolina in April, and learning about natural body care products, I decided to do some research and try some for myself. I made a trip to whole foods and bought natural shampoo and body wash.

Wow. What a difference!

My hair was instantly much healthier, shinier, cleaner, and softer. It was literally squeaky clean! My skin was sooo soft and smooth. I wasn't really paying that much more for these items than I had the other crap at walmart. After all, I did like to use Pantene for my hair, which costs about the same as a bottle of the least expensive natural shampoo at whole foods. But pantene and other shampoos are chock-full of extra crap that builds up on your hair and weighs it down, damaging and destroying it over time. Don't believe me? Ask a hair dresser. It's the same with soaps and body washes. I used to use Oil of Olay which is supposed to moisturize and blah blah blah. After one shower with the Jason teatree body wash, I was hooked. That stuff is definately more expensive than Olay, but at $10 for a big pump bottle, it's not a bad deal. My skin is clean and soft all day plus it isn't dried out at all!

I put off splurging for face wash for a while because this is where it gets pricey. I couldn't find anything for less than $10 and I'm used to paying $3 for a big bottle of equate brand clearasil type stuff. But I finally got sick of the dry, blotchy skin on my face and splurged for the Alba coconut milk face wash. After ONE USE I could tell a major difference!! My skin wasn't dry and flaky and it was very smooth and evenly toned: no red splotches! I paid $12 for an 8oz bottle, which is pretty expensive in my thrifty book, but I'm glad I did.

I still try to find good stuff for cheap when I can. I found some Almay makeup at biglots the other day for less than half its usual price at walmart. (Almay is awesome, by the way, hypo-allergenic and no animal testing. woohoo!) But after treating myself to some nicer stuff for my body, I don't think I'll go back. It is completely worth it. Even the cheapest of the all natural, organic goods(like 365 brand at whole foods) is much better than any of the "special" crap you can get at walmart. They've even started carrying certain brands like Alba and Jason (which aren't necessarily cheaper, only more convenient) at walgreens.

So long blog short, buy organics. They're environmentally friendly and much better for your body than all that other crap. Ever wonder why you don't see very many commercials for natural and organic body care and you see tons of ads for the other shit? It's because the other crap has to dish you a load of bull to get you to buy their stuff. Organics don't need to. It's naturally good and it sells itself(once you try it once!).

Plus you'll feel super cool and trendy shopping at Whole Foods. And you might end up in a craigslist missed connection. haha

Originally posted to Myspace on July 6th, 2008